


Christmas In July

by alchemicink



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Johnny's Entertainment, NewS (Band), Super Junior
Genre: #peoplenamedYuya, Alternate Universe, Beware the Plot Holes, Christmas, Crack Fic, Gen, Humor, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, Parody, chibi!Taemin, i can't believe there's actually a tag called inspired by a christmas carol lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 15:25:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2073306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemicink/pseuds/alchemicink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamapi’s feeling a little “bah! humbug!” about having to participate in a Christmas charity in July. So it’s a good thing he’s about to get a visit from three sort of helpful Christmas ghosts…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas In July

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> This is a random crack fic based on Heart Abroad and written with the author's permission. It doesn't really fit in with the timeline of the story, but it's a crack fic anyway, so that's okay. If you haven't read the original fic yet, then go do it right now because it's excellent! But for those of you who might want to read it later, then all you need to know is that it's an AU where Yamapi moves to Korea to teach Japanese for a year and he sort of has a thing for Jaejoong. 
> 
> To Nachtegael, I hope you like this! The idea I had totally spiraled out of control and I have absolutely zero experience writing these characters. Oops! But I think I managed to get all our ridiculous crack ideas in here except for the Heroes of Justice. I'll have to write that one later... :D
> 
> The usual disclaimer still applies and please pay no attention to the fact that it's August now instead of July! orz

“Is it really that bad?” Ryo’s voice came through the speakers of Yamapi’s computer with a hint of amusement and a touch of sarcasm.

Yamapi lifted his head up off his bed covers, where he’d buried his face in shame a minute ago, to see Ryo’s smirking face still on the screen. Man, sometimes Skype was both a blessing and a curse. 

“Yes, it’s that bad,” Yamapi answered. “There are green tights involved. And pointy shoes. And a hat with a jingle bell on it.” 

Ryo roared with laughter and Yamapi threw his head back down, wondering how long it would take to smother himself.

After a moment, Ryo cleared his throat and regained his composure. Yamapi could just imagine the gleam in his eye even if he wasn’t looking at the screen right now. “You would think a career in modeling would prepare you for dressing up in silly costumes.” 

“I’m an _elf_ ,” Yamapi said, pouring all his distaste for the idea into the one word. But his voice was muffled by the sheets and the full effect was lost. “It’s ridiculous.” 

“I thought you said it was for a charity.”

Yamapi continued to lie face down but reluctantly nodded his head in response anyway. Maybe his webcam caught some of the movement. “Yeah, it’s for a good cause and Erika is really excited about it because she’s part of the event planning staff, but still. I don’t want to be an elf.” He knew he was starting to sound like a spoiled child but he didn’t really care. He finally gave up on asphyxiating himself and sat back up. “It’s embarrassing. Everyone I know will be there. All my students will be there. Chanyeol and _his camera_ will be there. My landlady will be there. Hell, for all I know, the guy who works down at the 7-11 will be there!” 

Ryo smirked. “It’s too bad Tegoshi’s not there. I’m sure he would jump at the chance to wear a silly costume. Of course, I’m sure he’d want to be the Ice Queen or something instead of a lowly elf.” 

Yamapi ignored this comment. “And the most ridiculous thing of all is that it’s July! Who does a Christmas charity event in July?!”

“There, there,” Ryo said in mock-concern. Yamapi could have punched him if he were here in person. “It’s not so bad.” Yamapi let out a derisive snort right before Ryo continued. “Pink may be your color but green looks good on you too.” 

“I’m hanging up now,” Yamapi said and made his finger hover threateningly over the button to end the video call. 

Ryo still had that infuriating smirk on his face. “Perhaps you’ll feel differently about it in the morning.” 

“I doubt that.”

“Goodnight friend,” Ryo said in his most innocently mischievous tone, and then he ended the call, leaving Yamapi looking at a blank screen. With nothing else to do and no one left to complain to, Yamapi decided to go to sleep…

 

…He was awakened during the middle of the night by the sound of reggae music. Sitting up in bed, he looked around and saw a ghostly figure walking towards him. When it got closer, he realized that he must be dreaming because the figure was a ghost-version of Ryo, covered in chains and wearing a ridiculous-looking dreadlock wig.

“I’m the ghost of Bob Marley,” he announced.

Yamapi blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

“The ghost of Bob Marley,” Ryo repeated. “I’m here to tell you about three ghosts coming to visit you tonight to show you the true meaning of Christmas.” With his chains rattling, Ghost Ryo sat down in one of Yamapi’s chairs.

“Is this supposed to be like _A Christmas Carol_ or something?” Yamapi asked.

“I don’t know,” Ryo answered. “It’s your dream.” 

“Because I think the character’s name in _A Christmas Carol_ was Jacob Marley.”

Now it was Ghost Ryo’s turn to blink. “Oh.” There was an awkward silence in the room. “Well, I’m keeping the dreads because they make me look cool.” He brushed a few of the dreadlocks over his shoulder.

“Right,” Yamapi said, complete with a skeptically-raised eyebrow. His dream version of Ryo was just as strange as the real one. “So why are you covered in chains too?”

Ghost Ryo just shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s your dream. Do you have a secret S&M fetish I don’t know about?”

Yamapi felt it was time to change the subject. “So… you said three more ghosts were stopping by?” 

“Yep,” Ryo said, and pushed another dreadlock out of his face. He then glanced at the clock. “Looks like the first one is running a bit late though.” 

“Okay,” Yamapi said.

The awkward silence returned. Ghost Ryo just sat silently, twiddling his thumbs while he waited and Yamapi just watched. He was beginning to think this dream was going in his list of top five weirdest dreams and it had only just barely begun. After what seemed like ages (but was probably only four uncomfortable minutes), the silence was broken by a knocking on the window. 

“Ah, there he is,” Ghost Ryo said and shuffled over to the window to open it. “The Ghost of Christmas Past.” 

Yamapi watched the ghost climb in through the window and then yawn. He looked bored with the whole thing. It took a moment but Yamapi recognized the face as the teacher who’d been in his position before him. (He considered briefly how weird it was that someone he’d only seen a picture of had appeared in his dream. But then he mentally shrugged. Stranger things had happened in his dreams before. At least no one had started dancing a conga line yet.) 

“Ohno Satoshi?” Yamapi questioned. 

Ghost Ohno nodded and dug around in his pockets, looking for something. Ghost Ryo tapped his foot impatiently and kept glancing at the clock as a not-quite-so-subtle hint that Ohno ought to pick up the pace a little. 

After tossing some candy wrappers, fishing lures, and a yo-yo out of his pockets, Ohno finally pulled out what he was looking for: note cards. He cleared his throat and then read the first one out loud. 

“My name is Ohno Satoshi,” he began in a tone that made the whole thing seem like a chore. “I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. I am here to…” he flipped the card to the other side and continued, “to… show you your Christmas celebrations of the past.”

Yamapi thought that might have been obvious from the title. “All… right… then,” he said. He wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to go with the ghost. From what he’d heard about the real Ohno from his coworkers at school, he didn’t sound like the most reliable person in the world. 

Ghost Ohno tossed the first note card on the floor and began reading the next one. “Please take my arm.” He raised one of his arms. “And hold on firmly. Please do not worry…” He flipped the card over. “worry… about hurting my arm. I am a ghost and cannot feel pain.”

Ghost Ryo had grown impatient during all this and finally snapped. “Yes, yes, you don’t have to read all the safety instructions. Just take him and go. We’re on a schedule here.” He waved his hands in a dismissive gesture and then pushed Yamapi towards the window. 

Yamapi hesitantly grabbed Ohno’s arm and then gave Ryo his best _please save me I don’t want to go_ face. Ghost Ryo ignored it. 

“I’m going to use your internet while you’re gone,” Ryo announced. He took Yamapi’s laptop and settled down on the bed. It took him a few tries to get comfortable though with all the chains. 

It seemed as though Yamapi had no choice and, without warning, he and Ohno were suddenly flying through the air. They landed beside a small farmhouse a bit roughly (more specifically, Yamapi lost his balance and fell on his face). 

“Now that you have seen the Christmas past…” Ohno began reading another card but then paused. “Sorry that’s the wrong one. I should have numbered these.” He shuffled the cards until he found the one he was looking for. “Please look through the window…” he trailed off with a sigh as if all this work was too much effort. He tossed the card on the ground. “Just look inside. You’ll see stuff.” 

Yamapi pressed his face up close to the window and looked inside. He had expected to see the living room of the house, but instead, he could see a dressing room where he and his group of friends used to hang out between photoshoots. Everyone was there. Koyama was decorating a tiny Christmas tree sitting on a table in the corner. Shige was helping by picking out the good decorations. (Yamapi remembered that Ryo had dropped the box of decorations earlier and broke half of them) Tegoshi was sorting through the small assortment of wrapped presents on the table, trying to guess what was inside by shaking them. Massu kept trying to put the presents back in order afterwards. And Yamapi and Ryo had just returned to the room with a bounty of eggnog and snacks. It was sort of weird to see himself. 

He remembered this. It was Christmas from three years ago. 

He pressed his ear up to window so he could hear better even though he already knew what they all were saying.

“And it’s all done,” Koyama said. He took a step back to admire his work on the tiny Christmas tree.

“The tree is leaning to the side,” Ryo pointed out. Koyama gasped and scrambled into action, attempting to fix the problem. Shige just rolled his eyes and gave up. He poured himself some eggnog instead. 

“I think it’s time for presents,” Tegoshi declared.

“Already?” Yamapi asked. “Don’t you want to wait until Koyama is done with the tree?”

Tegoshi shook his head and pouted like a child. He blinked his eyes innocently a few times just to make his point.

“Don’t stare directly into his face,” Massu warned. “You’ll turn to stone.”

Tegoshi threatened to dump the whole container of eggnog on Massu’s head after that, so he quickly apologized. Yamapi laughed. Their little Christmas celebration was nice. The present exchange was fun (at least until Shige opened the present Tegoshi had picked out, and then he complained that he didn’t have any clothes to match gloves decorated with tiny neon-colored skulls. Tegoshi had pouted and later, when Shige wasn’t paying attention, stole the gloves for himself. Which had probably been his plan the entire time) 

Back outside the window, the real Yamapi felt a tugging on his shoulder.

“Alright, time to go,” Ohno said. “I’ve got some fishing to do.”

“Huh?” Yamapi said, barely having time to think as Ohno grabbed him by the back of his collar and hoisted him into the air. He guessed that was the end of his Christmas flashback. In a blink, Yamapi’s apartment was coming into sight and Ohno threw him through the open window and didn’t even stop to say goodbye. Yamapi landed flat on his back and it actually sort of hurt. He didn’t know it was possible to get both emotional and physical whiplash in a dream. How strange.

Remaining on the floor, Yamapi turned his head to the side to see Ghost Ryo and someone else hovering over his computer. He blinked a few times and the person came into focus. It was Heechul from school. Or well, the Dream Ghost Version of him anyway.

“We didn’t think you were ever coming back,” Ryo said. “We’ve been waiting forever.” 

Yamapi didn’t bother to make the effort to move off the floor. “What are you even doing?”

“Heechul and I have been watching cat videos on Youtube,” Ryo explained. 

“They’re adorable!” Ghost Heechul exclaimed in perfect Japanese. Yamapi was about to ask how he’d perfected the language so quickly, but then remembered that he was in a dream. As if he could have forgotten. “But nevermind that,” he continued with a wave of his hand, “I’m the Ghost of Christmas Present and we’ve got a schedule to keep. Let’s get going.”

Yamapi barely had time to protest as Heechul hoisted him off the floor and pulled him through the window. They were flying, again, over the rooftops of the town below him. The streetlights, headlights, and house lights spread out underneath him like a map of the stars had been placed upside down. Soon enough, Heechul led him to the school where they worked. They landed in front of the cafeteria. (Yamapi tried to keep his balance but still managed to topple over onto his butt) 

Heechul, distracted by straightening the cuffs of his sleeves, was humming Christmas carols and hadn’t even noticed that Yamapi was sitting on the ground. After a run-through of Jingle Bells, Heechul paused and finally realized that Yamapi was just giving him a glare of mostly confusion.

“Get off your ass and look through the window,” Heechul said. 

Through the window was, of course, not a view of the school cafeteria but instead was the large room where the event for the children was going to be held. The Christmas in July event was a lunch served by “Santa’s helpers” and then was followed by a visit from Santa Claus for the kids. All the money collected went as a donation to the local elementary school. 

Yamapi could see several of his students sitting at tables around the room, talking and laughing and having a good time. Chanyeol was indeed snapping pictures of everything with his camera, just as Yamapi had predicted he would be. 

Several of his fellow teachers were dressed up in elf costumes, serving plates of food to everyone. He could see Heechul (the non-ghost dream version) at the table nearest the window talking to the children seated there with their parents. He was explaining to them that he believed the word _elf_ actually stood for _ever-lasting friends_ and that they all should be friends. Yamapi thought that was sort of out of character for Heechul, but then he left the table singing a dirty version of Jingles Bells (probably traumatizing the children), so in the end, everything seemed okay. 

When Yamapi looked to the left side of the window, he saw Boa standing there with her son Taemin. He was bouncing up and down on his toes as he looked out across the room while Boa was trying to decide on a place to sit. 

“Let’s sit with Hyung,” Taemin insisted. 

“Yamashita’s not coming today, sweetie,” Boa answered. She waved politely to someone across the room. 

Taemin’s shoulders instantly drooped and he stopped bouncing. “He’s not? Why not?”

“I don’t know,” Boa said. She tugged his hand gently towards the nearest open table. “Let’s sit down.” 

Taemin frowned. “I wanted to see Hyung. I bet he’d look really cool.” 

The two of them walked away so that Yamapi couldn’t hear their conversation anymore. He felt sort of bad that he was disappointing Taemin. He looked all around the room again. Everyone looked like they were having so much fun. Even the people dressed up in costumes. 

Ghost Heechul tapped him on the shoulder. “Time to go,” he said. 

Without protest, Yamapi took his arm and they flew back to his apartment. When he came through the window this time he only stumbled slightly and fell against his desk. Ryo was still focused on typing away at his laptop. Ghost Heechul stuck his head back in through the window.

“Ryo, don’t forget to email me the links to those cat videos,” he reminded him.

“Already done,” Ghost Ryo answered with a cheesy thumbs up. 

“Great! See you later!” And then Ghost Heechul disappeared with a grin.

“Now go through that door,” Ryo said to Yamapi suddenly without any sort of explanation. He pointed in the direction of the door.

Yamapi was a bit confused. “That’s my closet door. Isn’t there another ghost coming to pick me up?”

“Nope,” Ryo shook his head. “Just go through the door. You’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t understand this at all.”

Ryo shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s your dream.”

“If you say that one more time…”

“We’ll make it into a drinking game?” Ryo joked with a grin. “My thoughts exactly!” Ryo waved his arm to tell Yamapi to get going. “Seriously go. I’m in the middle of something important.” He went back to typing on Yamapi’s laptop.

“What are you even doing?” he asked. He peered over Ryo’s shoulder. “Is that _fanfiction_?”

“Goooooo,” Ryo whined and pushed him over to the doorway. 

By this point, Yamapi had given up any hope of having control over his own dream and also understanding _anything_ Ryo did, so he just opened up the closet door and walked through. He half-expected to end up in Narnia, but instead the scene that greeted him was a dark cemetery. Snow covered the headstones spread out before him, reflecting the moonlight and casting everything with a sort of eerie glow. Was this turning into a nightmare?

As he walked forward, he noticed there was a figure standing in the middle of the graves. When he got closer, he realized the person was shoveling dirt. And when he finally stopped beside the grave and the person, he realized he actually recognized the person who happened to be dressed in a Santa suit.

“Um… Jaejoong?” he said tentatively. “What are you doing?”

Jaejoong looked up from his shoveling and jumped in surprise. “Oh, Tomo! You made it! I’ve been waiting for you. I’m the Ghost of Christmas Future.”

“But what are you doing?” Yamapi repeated and gestured to the shovel.

“Oh this?” Jaejoong said as if he’d just noticed that he was holding a dirty shovel in his hand. “I’m digging a grave.” He pointed to the large hole in front of the closest tombstone.

“…so what about all these other holes?” Yamapi asked. He pointed to several smaller holes on the ground around him. He’d almost tripped over one walking up there earlier.

“Oh those are plot holes,” Jaejoong explained. “Just ignore those.”

“Plot holes?”

“Yes, we’re having some timeline issues and such. I’m not exactly sure when this is all taking place…”

“It’s July,” Yamapi said, tilting his head in more confusion.

“Sure, it’s July _here_ but chronologically, but I don’t think this all fits. Written by someone else and being crack, you know.” 

“A crack in what?” Yamapi narrowed his eyes. “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about anymore.”

Jaejoong let out an exaggerated sigh. “That’s why I told you to _ignore_ the plot holes. All the meta jokes just get very confusing and you’ll end up stepping in one and breaking your ankle or something. Maybe metaphorically. Maybe actually.” 

“Sure.” Yamapi gave up. 

“Anyway, we need to get to the point,” Jaejoong insisted. He waved his shovel around a bit for attention. “I’m the Ghost of Christmas Future,” he announced again. 

“So… do I get to see the future now then?” Yamapi asked. He glanced around for a window to look through.

“This _is_ the future! _Your_ future!” Jaejoong said dramatically, throwing his arms out in the air. The action made the red Santa hat fall off his head. He grimaced at the dirt now all over it. 

Yamapi made his way closer to the headstone to look at it, taking care to not step in any of the plot holes along the way. “Is this supposed to be _my_ tombstone?”

“Yes.”

“You spelled my name wrong,” Yamapi said, pointing to the English letters spelling out his name under the kanji. “It says Yamashita Tonohisa.” 

Jaejoong shrugged. “Well it’s _your_ dream so…” 

This was getting to be all sorts of ridiculous. “So are you telling me that because I don’t want to participate in a Christmas charity event, I’m going to die alone and get my name misspelled on my own grave?”

Jaejoong nodded. “Yes, that’s pretty much it.” 

“So what am I supposed to do?” Yamapi asked. 

“Find your Christmas spirit again,” Jaejoong explained. “You used to have it. Remember? You saw that in the past. And you saw everyone else’s Christmas spirit in the present. Understand?” 

“So… what you’re saying is that I should just dress up in the elf costume and have fun?”

“Exactly!” Jaejoong said brightly. “Just look at how nice I look in this Santa suit!” 

Yamapi decided it was probably best not to point out that he would look a bit better without the dirty hat. “I suppose it might not be as bad as I thought…”

“That’s the spirit!” 

Yamapi smiled. He guessed that Dream Ghost Jaejoong could probably convince him to do just about anything anyway. Jaejoong in any form just had that power over him that he couldn’t quite explain. Not even to himself. 

“Let’s go back now,” Jaejoong said. “My work here is done.” He tossed the shovel away and started walking towards the doorway Yamapi had come through earlier. Jaejoong hadn’t taken three steps before he tripped over a plot hole and fell. 

“Go on without me,” he said dramatically as Yamapi offered a hand to help him up. 

“You’re fine,” Yamapi said, rolling his eyes. “This is my dream, remember?”

“Oh yeah…”

The two of them walked back through the door and stepped into Yamapi’s closet before walking back into his bedroom. Ghost Ryo, still wearing the dreadlock wig and chains, continued to type away at Yamapi’s computer. Ghost Heechul was there again too, reading over Ryo’s shoulder. He kept nodding thoughtfully at whatever Ryo was writing. Not a second later, Ghost Ohno walked into the room from the kitchen holding the 2NE1 mugs that had been sitting on the kitchen counter. 

“I forgot about these,” Ohno said and tried, unsuccessfully, to shove the mugs into the pocket of his pants. 

“Mission accomplished!” Jaejoong said, announcing their presence to the room. 

“Hooray!” Heechul cheered. 

Ryo closed the laptop and stood up looking extremely satisfied. “Well I guess it’s time to celebrate then?”

The three Christmas ghosts nodded in agreement, all with really unsettling grins on their faces. Yamapi took a step back.

“Celebrate how?” he asked even though he didn’t want to know the answer.

“Conga line!” Ryo shouted, throwing his hands in the air. The reggae music from before started playing again and the three of them lined up and started dancing. Suddenly the room was filled with what seemed to be everyone he knew and they were all joining in on the dance line. 

Yamapi blinked. Now it really was a nightmare.

“Oh hi Toma,” Yamapi said though, as his old friend Ikuta Toma danced by. 

On second thought, he supposed it wasn’t so bad. The music was kinda catchy and Jaejoong was gesturing for him to get in line and dance with him. So he did…

 

…Yamapi woke up, not on his bed where he’d begun the night, but on the floor with his legs tangled up in the sheets. He guessed that explained the pain in his back. He blinked a few time to get the sleep out of his eyes before he looked cautiously around the room. It was not inhabited by any dancing dream ghosts, so he figured he was actually awake. 

He picked up his phone from the nightstand and dialed Erika’s number. 

“Hello?” she answered in a groggy voice. “You okay?”

“Erika-chan? I just wanted to tell you that I’ll participate in the charity event. I’ll wear the elf costume and I won’t complain about how the tights don’t fit right.” 

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment. “You called me at 5am to say that?”

“Is that what time it is?” Yamapi said. He hadn’t looked at the clock. 

“The only acceptable reason to call me about at 5am is to tell me that you’re dying. Are you dying?”

“No.”

“Then I’m hanging up and going back to bed,” Erika said. But before Yamapi heard the click on a disconnected call, Erika said one more thing. “But thanks.” 

Yamapi smiled and put his phone away while he crawled back into bed. Christmas in July may be a little silly but he was determined to have fun doing it. And Ryo was right. Pink may be his color, but he also looked quite good in green.


End file.
